Grief and Wonder

Death. Ironically it's the opposite and a part of life. I've heard the nice things like how God just wants them home, they're in a better place, or they lived such a good life. We all have. But I've found it doesn't take away the pain, and it doesn't erase all my questions. Death, eternity, God, I have to accept it all in faith. I don't understand why God sometimes allows people to die, my mind can't grasp eternity, or how big the universe is. Through recent loss I've come to realize all over in a new way, to simply stand in awe of my Father. Even though I hurt and I ask my many questions, or I get angry and afraid, something in me keeps coming back to the throne of my Lord. Deep in my soul I know that I'm made for more than this life and what my human mind can comprehend. I'm in wonder at his love and forgiveness. That somehow in the midst of grief and my world seemingly falling apart that He is still the same God who created it all, that His love for us never wavers or changes no matter how our circumstances do. I get to a point where I have to just stop everything else and gaze at Him and all He is. He is the God who could have given back a mortal life, but chose to reward eternal life instead. The same arms that were nailed to a cross to save a life now hold it safely close, and I know it will never hurt or die again. He is the God who gives and takes away, even though it may hurt sometimes. I believe he catches each tear and will use it to fulfill and shape the life that He has given me 'till I'm the one who can go home to Him and those already there.