Sometimes, I think I have learned something oh-so incredibly deep and that I've had an amazing break through. Sometimes I think I've overcome and am so much stronger and wiser, that I have "conquered" a certain thing. Then in about three seconds God reminds me how GREAT HE IS and just how much that means I will always have to learn here.
I've been working on a song that for about a year I would work on, grow frustrated and then put aside. But I've continually come back to it over and over until......yeah, I finished it. (Now if only my vocals could be fine tuned/trained......looking forward to eternity.) One of the first lines I penned for it was "By my tears draw me in" and so that's kind of been the theme for me when writing this. I wanted it to be about coming from a place of in the midst of whatever this life does, that God is still my God. That in the midst of everything around me in this world might be screaming and breaking or enticing or flowing perfectly-that He is my everything. Thought I had a worship break through, thought I'd gone much deeper. Maybe I did, but God stepped it up a bit a few weeks ago.
A few weeks back several churches in our community had a yearly "Community Revival" where each church takes a night to lead services. One of our neighboring churches worship team asked my dad to play guitar with them. He was great. As the service was nearing closing I watched dad go up on stage again with the band for the last song. My mom came walking by and stopped to tell me my dad had a kidney stone that was moving like crasy and to be ready to go as soon as church was over. For me it was a bit like a fist to my heart/stomach. My dad has had several of these things and is a diabetic anyway, putting those together.....I hate seeing that. Anyway, I turned back to the stage expecting dad to probably just exit as quietly as he could. Instead I saw him stay up there and continue playing, I watched my dad work past his pain and glorify God through it. It was one of those moments when it hits you that God is who He is no matter what is going on around you, He is still worthy of praise weather we feel worthy, capable, or whatever, to give him praise.
Over the next few days I listened as my dad would lay in pain, watched a couple of times as my parents rushed to doctors and hospitals. I listened as my dad never once questioned, but simply called out to his Father. Mom told me that she had never seen my dad in this much pain-neither had I. I saw and heard my dad cry, I watched as several times it looked like he might pass out from the pain. My mom told me that my dad would cry out and such on the way to the doctors, then would begin to sing worship songs. Watching my dad go through all the added pain on top of the diabetes he has to work through every day was heart wrenching, "by my tears draw me in" took on a much deeper meaning. There's an hymn my dad and I love, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. Words so simple, but if they get to your soul and you sing them from there....it can change your life.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.
The things of earth, like dads sickness, really did grow strangely dim when I turned my eyes upon my Savior. I don't know how exactly to describe it, I can't really say that it erases the pain or frustration, maybe it just puts it in the right perspective when you look past it to the vastness of God's greatness. Maybe it's that I've watched as sickness and I guess, though it's hard to say, the grave try to take a hold on my dad my entire life. Maybe it's that when the Father takes my tear stained face in His loving hands and gently turns it from the world to His eternal, conquering, amazing love that I can see that no matter what this life may do to my dads body it can never take His eternal one.
The things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
going back.....
Soooo...I've got some exciting news that I've neglected to share until now. Don't ask how this has slipped from my mind as it is most often at the front of my mind often because I am just so.excited.I.don't.know.what.to.do! Well, almost don't know. Generally I actually just start grinning like a cheesy idiot.
OK, the big news is that I am going back to Guatemala! Yes, after over a year and a half since my all too short visit when we were finalizing the kiddos adoption I am going back to Guatemala. The funny thing is, I thought I wasn't going anywhere international mission related this year. The one trip I thought I would go on, I backed out of trying for. Everything else seemed to be doors closing in my face. After a lot of prayer, a lot of surrender and placing all the desires and such in God's hands, and a whole lot of learing to be still, God brought an amazing mission my way. A trip to an orphanage in Guatemala with my awesome friend Ellie and a bunch of people I am super ready to meet because I am hearing that they are quite awesome. I am very excited, nervous, freaked out, pumped, completely scarred out of my wits, etc, etc.
The thing that I'm most excited/nervous about is that last time I was there, was kind of a point of change in my life. I kind of went there with one mind set, and came back with a broken heart and tear washed mind where God began to work and make something new. That is all too simple of a way to say of my experiences there, but I'll share a bit more of it maybe later. I love what God has done with my life through the few days I spent in Guatemala, those times were a turning point in my life. But I'm also a bit nervous as you can see. I don't know what to expect out of this next visit. One thing I do know though, is that God is gonna be there. My Savior and His love and teaching and ways will be there if I'm willing to open my heart and eyes to find Him.
OK, the big news is that I am going back to Guatemala! Yes, after over a year and a half since my all too short visit when we were finalizing the kiddos adoption I am going back to Guatemala. The funny thing is, I thought I wasn't going anywhere international mission related this year. The one trip I thought I would go on, I backed out of trying for. Everything else seemed to be doors closing in my face. After a lot of prayer, a lot of surrender and placing all the desires and such in God's hands, and a whole lot of learing to be still, God brought an amazing mission my way. A trip to an orphanage in Guatemala with my awesome friend Ellie and a bunch of people I am super ready to meet because I am hearing that they are quite awesome. I am very excited, nervous, freaked out, pumped, completely scarred out of my wits, etc, etc.
The thing that I'm most excited/nervous about is that last time I was there, was kind of a point of change in my life. I kind of went there with one mind set, and came back with a broken heart and tear washed mind where God began to work and make something new. That is all too simple of a way to say of my experiences there, but I'll share a bit more of it maybe later. I love what God has done with my life through the few days I spent in Guatemala, those times were a turning point in my life. But I'm also a bit nervous as you can see. I don't know what to expect out of this next visit. One thing I do know though, is that God is gonna be there. My Savior and His love and teaching and ways will be there if I'm willing to open my heart and eyes to find Him.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Beautiful flowers
My little sister is four years old, adorable, and totally fascinated by every little bloom in the grass or on the trees and so on. She often tells me, "Don't step on the beautiful flowers!" as we walk across the yard. The "beautiful flowers" as she says are actually just the grass, for my parents and I these "flowers" are the sign the yard needs to be mowed again. But little Joji absolutely loves them and often will bring little bouquets of them to mom and I. "Rachel, don't step on the beautiful flowers" she says. I love the way she notices little things like that.
Maybe this is stretching just a bit, but I'm reminded every time she says that to me, how to so much of the world my little sister was on of those little flowers in the grass. I'm so thankful for the people who saw Will and Joji not as a sign of inconvenience or annoyance, but as beautiful. I'm so thankful they stood up and didn't allow anyone to "step on" my brother and sister, that they took care of our little ones until we could bring them to their forever family. My beautiful siblings are growing up so fast and so strong, their courage and love amaze me. God is faithful, I've seen and am seeing that He is the father to the fatherless. His love and glory are so evident in Will and JoAna's lives, I'm blessed to be a part of it.
I think we're all blessed to have beautiful flowers in our lives, we just miss them so many times because we're consumed in keeping our grass cut better than the neighbors. Maybe my four year old little sister is a bit ahead of us, she sees beauty all around her. To Joji the worlds opinion of pretty doesn't matter, if there's a tiny little bloom down in the grass she picks it up and treasures it just as she would a dozen roses. I want to be like that, cherishing each bit of my Father's creation, from people to the lawn out side, seeing the beauty he has created and the reminders of his love.
Maybe this is stretching just a bit, but I'm reminded every time she says that to me, how to so much of the world my little sister was on of those little flowers in the grass. I'm so thankful for the people who saw Will and Joji not as a sign of inconvenience or annoyance, but as beautiful. I'm so thankful they stood up and didn't allow anyone to "step on" my brother and sister, that they took care of our little ones until we could bring them to their forever family. My beautiful siblings are growing up so fast and so strong, their courage and love amaze me. God is faithful, I've seen and am seeing that He is the father to the fatherless. His love and glory are so evident in Will and JoAna's lives, I'm blessed to be a part of it.
I think we're all blessed to have beautiful flowers in our lives, we just miss them so many times because we're consumed in keeping our grass cut better than the neighbors. Maybe my four year old little sister is a bit ahead of us, she sees beauty all around her. To Joji the worlds opinion of pretty doesn't matter, if there's a tiny little bloom down in the grass she picks it up and treasures it just as she would a dozen roses. I want to be like that, cherishing each bit of my Father's creation, from people to the lawn out side, seeing the beauty he has created and the reminders of his love.
seniors and SENIORS
I have to share a bit about my day today. Each year our church has a little part in the service where all the graduating students come to the front and are prayed for and given cards, congrats, etc. After the service there's lunch and people can come by and talk to us seniors and give advice or encouragement. So, after lunch I was talking to my great grandmother who was asking about my plans for after high school. "College." What do I want to major in? "Probably social work and counseling." Well that's good, I was told. I told her I hoped so and something like I hoped I could do good in college, I don't know. Then she tells me, "Oh you'll do great. You've got a big brain. A little body, but a big brain." SENIORS rock. I love it!
Monday, April 6, 2009
No Answers
So, my life is full of a LOT of questions right now. Mainly, the obvious question on every seniors mind.....college, the future, and so on. I really don't have any answers right now to much of anything at all in my life, not just college, and I guess that's been pretty obvious that I don't through my writings here lately on this blog.
I've been given a really amazing opportunity, the Honor Academy. A one year internship with Teen Mania ministries, missions, worship, a campus full of young people and teachers after the heart of God, awesome right? But I just don't have peace about this, I don't know why. It seems to me that it would have so many things I need to learn, it challenges you and forces you out of your comfort zone and to be disciplined and you even get a years worth of college credit out of it. So WHY? Why does something in my soul just not feel right about this? Is it me, my own fault and flesh getting in the way? Or is it me going to the academy that is the problem?
What if I don't go to the Honor Academy? Can I truly let God lead me out of this complacent and comfort I'm in here at home to live for him and out the love he's given right here in my community in our happy-go-lucky little country place? He has so opened my eyes to the need of soul's right here at home, I've realized that to God each and every soul is an 'extreme case.' Not just the poorest physically, but that my next door neighbor, the lady a few rows back in church who sits there smiling and nodding at everyone, my parents, my best friend, even me, we are all extreme cases to God. All of us have a need for God and his love, it's a need that is infinite and always, we absolutely all need that love. So many times I look at those pictures I have of Guatemala or China, and I think, "there, that's where people 'truly' need. That has to be where God is leading me, there is so much to do there." Yeah that's true, those people need in a sense that the American church mostly hasn't even grasped in the smallest sense. But the need of the beggar on the side of the street for the love of the Savior is exactly the same as the owner of my favorite coffee shop, with out Christ they have nothing of eternal value, no matter how much or little they have on this earth. Anyway, so I just don't know. Get it after all I just said? It seems to me like right here right now is pretty important, and I don't really think God's opened my heart to this just to open it, just like I don't believe his love is in my heart to keep me out of hell, there's so much more to be done in my life.
So I don't have the answers. And that's hard for me, I want so much to know what's in store for my life. I wish I could share with you right now how I've seen and heard God leading me in a very (very very very) specific direction, but I can't. And the more I try to beg, and pray and impress the answers from him, the more frustrated and clueless I become. SO HERE I AM, this is what I've come too, like the boy Samuel in the Bible, I'm waiting, when God in his perfect time is ready, for the Lord to speak to me his servant. I'm realizing as I just commit my heart and devote my time to him and desiring to love as he has loved me one day at a time, that there I'm finding fulfillment, there I find peace in making him my joy. I'm so blessed and so loved, if God can hold the universe then surely he can hold my life. If he knows every hair on my head then I don't think there's even the smallest or greatest thing in my life that He doesn't want to be a part of, and I don't want my ways to come between his plans and my life. So I have no answers, but this one, that God who spoke this life into existence, gave the most precious thing he had for my redemption, God the Father holds my life and has proclaimed he has plans and purpose for it and absolutely loves me. I have no answers but know that my beautiful Father does, and that's all I could really need to know, He is faithful and so I will be with what he first gave to me.
I've been given a really amazing opportunity, the Honor Academy. A one year internship with Teen Mania ministries, missions, worship, a campus full of young people and teachers after the heart of God, awesome right? But I just don't have peace about this, I don't know why. It seems to me that it would have so many things I need to learn, it challenges you and forces you out of your comfort zone and to be disciplined and you even get a years worth of college credit out of it. So WHY? Why does something in my soul just not feel right about this? Is it me, my own fault and flesh getting in the way? Or is it me going to the academy that is the problem?
What if I don't go to the Honor Academy? Can I truly let God lead me out of this complacent and comfort I'm in here at home to live for him and out the love he's given right here in my community in our happy-go-lucky little country place? He has so opened my eyes to the need of soul's right here at home, I've realized that to God each and every soul is an 'extreme case.' Not just the poorest physically, but that my next door neighbor, the lady a few rows back in church who sits there smiling and nodding at everyone, my parents, my best friend, even me, we are all extreme cases to God. All of us have a need for God and his love, it's a need that is infinite and always, we absolutely all need that love. So many times I look at those pictures I have of Guatemala or China, and I think, "there, that's where people 'truly' need. That has to be where God is leading me, there is so much to do there." Yeah that's true, those people need in a sense that the American church mostly hasn't even grasped in the smallest sense. But the need of the beggar on the side of the street for the love of the Savior is exactly the same as the owner of my favorite coffee shop, with out Christ they have nothing of eternal value, no matter how much or little they have on this earth. Anyway, so I just don't know. Get it after all I just said? It seems to me like right here right now is pretty important, and I don't really think God's opened my heart to this just to open it, just like I don't believe his love is in my heart to keep me out of hell, there's so much more to be done in my life.
So I don't have the answers. And that's hard for me, I want so much to know what's in store for my life. I wish I could share with you right now how I've seen and heard God leading me in a very (very very very) specific direction, but I can't. And the more I try to beg, and pray and impress the answers from him, the more frustrated and clueless I become. SO HERE I AM, this is what I've come too, like the boy Samuel in the Bible, I'm waiting, when God in his perfect time is ready, for the Lord to speak to me his servant. I'm realizing as I just commit my heart and devote my time to him and desiring to love as he has loved me one day at a time, that there I'm finding fulfillment, there I find peace in making him my joy. I'm so blessed and so loved, if God can hold the universe then surely he can hold my life. If he knows every hair on my head then I don't think there's even the smallest or greatest thing in my life that He doesn't want to be a part of, and I don't want my ways to come between his plans and my life. So I have no answers, but this one, that God who spoke this life into existence, gave the most precious thing he had for my redemption, God the Father holds my life and has proclaimed he has plans and purpose for it and absolutely loves me. I have no answers but know that my beautiful Father does, and that's all I could really need to know, He is faithful and so I will be with what he first gave to me.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
On being an older sibling
I've been writing tonight about confrontation on my other blog, http://tobearlovesheart.blogspot.com . So there's that! If you read it, grab some popcorn or coffee or something first, it's a bit lengthy. (makes sheepish face here)
I'm really tired but have had a pretty good day, it's been super crazy as my older brother has come in for the night and there's been plenty of madness and I'll be honest, for a while tonight I was feeling a bit like 'I'm gonna go crazy if I don't have some privacy and silence for a minute.' But all is well, very well. My family is very crazy and the little ones seem to be every where you'd prefer them not to be at once sometimes but it's awesome to be surrounded by all the liveliness. I'm just quite the introvert most of the time on my own but thank God they don't allow for too much of that! I know we took them out of poverty through adoption but the ways they've changed just me alone has been truly amazing. Being a big sister has been good and challenging for me, even though it's madness here I love it and who loving them is making me to be. Their little lives are basically just waking up to this constant reminder every day that God is who he said he is, that he heals and restores, he lifts the needy from the ash heap, he sets the lonely in families.
I was just thinking I wonder what I used to do all the time before the kids came, then I remember a lot of days sitting on my bed blankly turning through magazines or staring into a TV for forever, playing my guitar with no one but me hearing or moving to the sounds. Now I have these little people who want to run in and rip the book from my hands and have me check out the groovy new face they learned to make, or who ask a million questions about the movie on, or who come in and start a dance party in my room when they hear the guitar being strummed. It's frustrating sometimes, especially when I'm at such a hectic and unsure place in my life to have them running about. But the bit of love I'm able to give them reminds me how much greater the Father's love for us, the way we adopted them reminds me how God adopted me and how insanely they fit into our family just right reminds me of my place in my Father's eyes. In the extra chaos they create they also create a reminder that this life is not just about me and that God is holding every bit of this in His loving arms.
I'm really tired but have had a pretty good day, it's been super crazy as my older brother has come in for the night and there's been plenty of madness and I'll be honest, for a while tonight I was feeling a bit like 'I'm gonna go crazy if I don't have some privacy and silence for a minute.' But all is well, very well. My family is very crazy and the little ones seem to be every where you'd prefer them not to be at once sometimes but it's awesome to be surrounded by all the liveliness. I'm just quite the introvert most of the time on my own but thank God they don't allow for too much of that! I know we took them out of poverty through adoption but the ways they've changed just me alone has been truly amazing. Being a big sister has been good and challenging for me, even though it's madness here I love it and who loving them is making me to be. Their little lives are basically just waking up to this constant reminder every day that God is who he said he is, that he heals and restores, he lifts the needy from the ash heap, he sets the lonely in families.
I was just thinking I wonder what I used to do all the time before the kids came, then I remember a lot of days sitting on my bed blankly turning through magazines or staring into a TV for forever, playing my guitar with no one but me hearing or moving to the sounds. Now I have these little people who want to run in and rip the book from my hands and have me check out the groovy new face they learned to make, or who ask a million questions about the movie on, or who come in and start a dance party in my room when they hear the guitar being strummed. It's frustrating sometimes, especially when I'm at such a hectic and unsure place in my life to have them running about. But the bit of love I'm able to give them reminds me how much greater the Father's love for us, the way we adopted them reminds me how God adopted me and how insanely they fit into our family just right reminds me of my place in my Father's eyes. In the extra chaos they create they also create a reminder that this life is not just about me and that God is holding every bit of this in His loving arms.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Dallas Weekend and I am in LOVE!!!
First of all, to Dallas! I love love love Texas and truly mean that in the deepest sense of the word love. I really think my parents messed up staying in AR, (no offense AR) Texas is where I belong. I'm so totally in love with it! The only way my visit could have been better is if it were (1) permanent, and (2) Houston. But as long as it's Texas for even just a glimpse and moment, I can bear this state I live in for a bit more. Maybe. But I truly truly can't wait for the day i either go off to college in Texas or graduate from a college then move to Texas.
The reason I was in Texas other than that I just absolutely love it, is that there was an awesome conference there. About ten kids from my churches youth group went to an Acquire the Fire event there and i can honestly say that it was the best youth conference I've ever been too. It was so different from other events I've been too because it wasn't just mainly based on getting you hyped up on emotion, they really got in all 8,000 or so faces of ours and were so personal. Not once did it seem as if they were playing the sympathetic 'you poor misunderstood teen' game with us, but they were totally on our level and challenged us to rise up and be the young men and women of God we are called to be. God revealed so many things in my heart that I needed to let go of that I didn't realize I'd let creep back in, although I guess now it's so obvious to me. But the thing I love is that not once did I feel compelled by feelings to let go of these things or realize a conviction, it was like I had to reach down and make this choice in my soul to let go and then maybe emotions would follow. They weren't about getting a lot of expressions out of you that you didn't even know what the point of it was, they were all about getting God's prescience into our soul's. I also like that for the first time ever there was a whole session about how to stay strong and growing in my faith after the conference was done, a lot of the time it's as if you have to try to hold on to that conference you've been too for as long as you can 'till the next one comes around. This time though it was about taking what you learned and continuing to let those past things go, it was about moving forward in your faith and not clinging to a weekend experience.
The weekend was great, lives were definitely changed and thanks to the Honor Academy I now have yet another college decision to weigh! Oh the joys of planning the rest of your life (actually trying to glimpse a starting bit of God's plan) in your crazy teen years, who's idea was this? Haha, I know God is faithful and has amazing things in store for this child even if it's driving me crazy that I can't calculate it all. You know that whole "be still" and "wait upon the Lord" thing? Yeah, ha, this girlie isn't so great at that yet. But He is definitely making me work on it, funny thing is I asked for it. Well whatever, love you all.
The reason I was in Texas other than that I just absolutely love it, is that there was an awesome conference there. About ten kids from my churches youth group went to an Acquire the Fire event there and i can honestly say that it was the best youth conference I've ever been too. It was so different from other events I've been too because it wasn't just mainly based on getting you hyped up on emotion, they really got in all 8,000 or so faces of ours and were so personal. Not once did it seem as if they were playing the sympathetic 'you poor misunderstood teen' game with us, but they were totally on our level and challenged us to rise up and be the young men and women of God we are called to be. God revealed so many things in my heart that I needed to let go of that I didn't realize I'd let creep back in, although I guess now it's so obvious to me. But the thing I love is that not once did I feel compelled by feelings to let go of these things or realize a conviction, it was like I had to reach down and make this choice in my soul to let go and then maybe emotions would follow. They weren't about getting a lot of expressions out of you that you didn't even know what the point of it was, they were all about getting God's prescience into our soul's. I also like that for the first time ever there was a whole session about how to stay strong and growing in my faith after the conference was done, a lot of the time it's as if you have to try to hold on to that conference you've been too for as long as you can 'till the next one comes around. This time though it was about taking what you learned and continuing to let those past things go, it was about moving forward in your faith and not clinging to a weekend experience.
The weekend was great, lives were definitely changed and thanks to the Honor Academy I now have yet another college decision to weigh! Oh the joys of planning the rest of your life (actually trying to glimpse a starting bit of God's plan) in your crazy teen years, who's idea was this? Haha, I know God is faithful and has amazing things in store for this child even if it's driving me crazy that I can't calculate it all. You know that whole "be still" and "wait upon the Lord" thing? Yeah, ha, this girlie isn't so great at that yet. But He is definitely making me work on it, funny thing is I asked for it. Well whatever, love you all.
Something New...
So for a while now I've wanted to write dedicating basically to the thoughts I have on Love and loving others. I've started a new blog to write about all of thats been burning on my heart in that way, and so this one can keep being my random day to day blog of my goofy life. To Bear Love's Heart is my new blog and it's all about pressing into the heart of God and sharing the love you can only find there with others. Check it out!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
my awesome present
Well the last couple blogs have been a bit tense, life has been pretty crazy lately. The past couple days I've been trying to get my mind and heart straight, and I think I'm finally just about settled on where I'm going to college. I don't know exactly who I heard all those fun stories of senior year from, but they must have had a couple personal assistants because there is way to much work to be having as much fun as there was in their stories. Seriously, it is crazy. Why is there so much to do? I don't really care about all this other stuff, I just want that diploma! So I guess I'll just keep making myself crazy 'till I get it.
But today was great! So nice to have one of these days, or really just this one little moment in the day that brightens every thing up and reminds you what is really important in the madness.
I went with my mom and little sister for a 'quick' run to get a few grocery things. I walked into the house, which was great because it was freezing and snowing out side, and my little brother, Will, gives me a hug. Awww. Then, he gives me M&M's, M&M's he bought with his own money just for me. Awww again! He didn't even ask me to share them with him! So sweet in every way, I'm very blessed to have such an awesome little brother. He also just got his very own little guitar today. I'm so proud of him! He's a prodigy I tell you!
So today I'm learning to appreciate the simple things again. My little brother saves and saves change and dollar bills in his little safe, then he used his money to buy me something. It wasn't anything extravagant, but I know for his little six year old heart it was a great, big, loving gift. He's learned about one thing to play on the guitar, it's so simple and repetitive but the most beautiful music to this big sister's ears. It doesn't really matter what you give or share with some one, the truly great and special thing we give is the love that is represented in what we give. Love is the only thing that gives anything real, beyond material value.
One last thing. My little sister said yes ma'am to me earlier! How cool is that? Despite all my goofiness I actually had a little authority for a minute. Awesomeness is my life at this moment.
But today was great! So nice to have one of these days, or really just this one little moment in the day that brightens every thing up and reminds you what is really important in the madness.
I went with my mom and little sister for a 'quick' run to get a few grocery things. I walked into the house, which was great because it was freezing and snowing out side, and my little brother, Will, gives me a hug. Awww. Then, he gives me M&M's, M&M's he bought with his own money just for me. Awww again! He didn't even ask me to share them with him! So sweet in every way, I'm very blessed to have such an awesome little brother. He also just got his very own little guitar today. I'm so proud of him! He's a prodigy I tell you!
So today I'm learning to appreciate the simple things again. My little brother saves and saves change and dollar bills in his little safe, then he used his money to buy me something. It wasn't anything extravagant, but I know for his little six year old heart it was a great, big, loving gift. He's learned about one thing to play on the guitar, it's so simple and repetitive but the most beautiful music to this big sister's ears. It doesn't really matter what you give or share with some one, the truly great and special thing we give is the love that is represented in what we give. Love is the only thing that gives anything real, beyond material value.
One last thing. My little sister said yes ma'am to me earlier! How cool is that? Despite all my goofiness I actually had a little authority for a minute. Awesomeness is my life at this moment.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
life, an update
Right now I could be working madly on school, getting college worked out, graduation all registered for, and figuring out if I'm going on any international or long distance mission trips this summer. But instead, I'm writing a blog. Brilliant, eh? Hmmm...anyway.
With all the madness that usually goes on in my life and the added list from above, which quite honestly are all really MAJOR decisions to be made, there's a lot of extra things to deal with as if they aren't enough on their own and it's all been really crazy. Yesterday I was ready to seriously knock out the next person who asked me about anything college/future related. One of the guys on the worship team asked me where I was going as I walked toward the stage steps and I stopped, went back to where he was at the back of the stage and stood in front of him and was just like "what do you mean where am I going?" He didn't realize it, but if he hadn't been referring to me walking off the stage instead of anything past the next five minutes he'd probably be waking up in ICU right now. Anyway, hang with me here as I sort it all out and share what's going on with me and how in the midst of all the craziness I'm actually learning a bit still.
I'm trying to sort out everything in my life right now, figuring out where to go to college, where or if I'm supposed to be going somewhere to work for the summer in missions, finalizing everything for graduation, and somehow finding all the finances for it all. I'm the kind of person who has had to battle questions and doubts my entire life, so it basically sucks when I am finally getting to the place where I can trust God with every thing a bit easier and then everyone around me seems to be bringing back every question I've already trusted him with and trying to ask it again. Ugghh. It's hard to keep focused when people you should be able to trust to trust in God with you are actually trying to make you question again. It's hard to answer their worried questions about your future with you're not sure yet, you're just trusting God, even though it's the right answer, all of our great 'logic' and 'knowledge' would have us second guess a faith based answer.
What I'm learning through all of this? I'm reminded of the verses that talk of not putting your trust in men, even in princes or riches, but instead to put your trust in God. My God hasn't made everything clear to me yet, but what I have felt in my soul is simply to work and accomplish what I can today with what He provides. What exactly am I supposed to do with the things I'm planning to study? I don't know how exactly I'm going to work or serve in the areas I'm going to study, I'm not even 100% sure that's where I'm supposed to be yet. I do know that no matter how many times I stumble I'm chasing my Lord's heart and He said He knows the plans He has for me, plans for hope and a future, to prosper and not to harm me. I'm learning that this life is so temporary, so quickly passing by. I don't want to waste it chasing after material things, I don't want to let the worry of anything of this world keep me from seeing the One who provides all my needs, who knows every crazy hair on my head, who gave the most precious thing He had to break the walls of sin between us. And I don't want to let my wants or needs keep me from seeing others'. The love of Christ in me has the power to change this world, to change the people I meet so I want to be wherever it is that He wants me no matter how long I have to wait for him to tell me or where I may have to go. And I need to be where He wants me, with who He wants me to be with, because I'm really learning more every day how much I need Christ.
How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9:14
I'm so thankful that through grace the strongholds of doubt, questions, and distractions are broken and will be forever, continually brought down so that I am able to serve my God.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
What have we to fear? How amazing that our God saw us and loved us before we were even born, how amazing that He knew our sins already, and still chose to love us!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
He has DECLARED that. God has plans for us. That He has plans for us is amazing enough alone, but He says that they are plans to prosper and not to harm, to give us hope and a future. No circumstance or pressure of this world could ever take that if we rely and believe in God.
O God, quicken to life every power within me, that I may lay hold on eternal things. Open my eyes that I may see; give me acute spiritual perception; enable me to taste Thee and know that Thou are good. Make heaven more real to me than earthly thing has ever been. A.W. Tozer 'The Pursuit of God'
I am really liking this book, and this has definitely been a prayer that I need daily. I think it's a prayer we all need to take as our own more often.
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.....But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge. Psalm 94:18-19,22
Yes I get nervous, I get stressed out and frustrated. But as I continue to take my tear soaked heart to God, I find that it's usually the tears and the storms that soften my heart to be molded by the Potter ever more like his own heart. Does everything in my life feel like more than I can take? I know it's more than I can handle, so I'm so so thankful that I have the love and strength of Christ and not just my own fragility to rely on.
You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the earth and of the farthest seas, Psalm 66:5
Love.
With all the madness that usually goes on in my life and the added list from above, which quite honestly are all really MAJOR decisions to be made, there's a lot of extra things to deal with as if they aren't enough on their own and it's all been really crazy. Yesterday I was ready to seriously knock out the next person who asked me about anything college/future related. One of the guys on the worship team asked me where I was going as I walked toward the stage steps and I stopped, went back to where he was at the back of the stage and stood in front of him and was just like "what do you mean where am I going?" He didn't realize it, but if he hadn't been referring to me walking off the stage instead of anything past the next five minutes he'd probably be waking up in ICU right now. Anyway, hang with me here as I sort it all out and share what's going on with me and how in the midst of all the craziness I'm actually learning a bit still.
I'm trying to sort out everything in my life right now, figuring out where to go to college, where or if I'm supposed to be going somewhere to work for the summer in missions, finalizing everything for graduation, and somehow finding all the finances for it all. I'm the kind of person who has had to battle questions and doubts my entire life, so it basically sucks when I am finally getting to the place where I can trust God with every thing a bit easier and then everyone around me seems to be bringing back every question I've already trusted him with and trying to ask it again. Ugghh. It's hard to keep focused when people you should be able to trust to trust in God with you are actually trying to make you question again. It's hard to answer their worried questions about your future with you're not sure yet, you're just trusting God, even though it's the right answer, all of our great 'logic' and 'knowledge' would have us second guess a faith based answer.
What I'm learning through all of this? I'm reminded of the verses that talk of not putting your trust in men, even in princes or riches, but instead to put your trust in God. My God hasn't made everything clear to me yet, but what I have felt in my soul is simply to work and accomplish what I can today with what He provides. What exactly am I supposed to do with the things I'm planning to study? I don't know how exactly I'm going to work or serve in the areas I'm going to study, I'm not even 100% sure that's where I'm supposed to be yet. I do know that no matter how many times I stumble I'm chasing my Lord's heart and He said He knows the plans He has for me, plans for hope and a future, to prosper and not to harm me. I'm learning that this life is so temporary, so quickly passing by. I don't want to waste it chasing after material things, I don't want to let the worry of anything of this world keep me from seeing the One who provides all my needs, who knows every crazy hair on my head, who gave the most precious thing He had to break the walls of sin between us. And I don't want to let my wants or needs keep me from seeing others'. The love of Christ in me has the power to change this world, to change the people I meet so I want to be wherever it is that He wants me no matter how long I have to wait for him to tell me or where I may have to go. And I need to be where He wants me, with who He wants me to be with, because I'm really learning more every day how much I need Christ.
How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9:14
I'm so thankful that through grace the strongholds of doubt, questions, and distractions are broken and will be forever, continually brought down so that I am able to serve my God.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
What have we to fear? How amazing that our God saw us and loved us before we were even born, how amazing that He knew our sins already, and still chose to love us!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
He has DECLARED that. God has plans for us. That He has plans for us is amazing enough alone, but He says that they are plans to prosper and not to harm, to give us hope and a future. No circumstance or pressure of this world could ever take that if we rely and believe in God.
O God, quicken to life every power within me, that I may lay hold on eternal things. Open my eyes that I may see; give me acute spiritual perception; enable me to taste Thee and know that Thou are good. Make heaven more real to me than earthly thing has ever been. A.W. Tozer 'The Pursuit of God'
I am really liking this book, and this has definitely been a prayer that I need daily. I think it's a prayer we all need to take as our own more often.
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.....But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge. Psalm 94:18-19,22
Yes I get nervous, I get stressed out and frustrated. But as I continue to take my tear soaked heart to God, I find that it's usually the tears and the storms that soften my heart to be molded by the Potter ever more like his own heart. Does everything in my life feel like more than I can take? I know it's more than I can handle, so I'm so so thankful that I have the love and strength of Christ and not just my own fragility to rely on.
You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the earth and of the farthest seas, Psalm 66:5
Love.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
February 14 and Worth on My Mind
So, last night it was really late and I'd had a long day and my thoughts were very scattered when they were coming so hopefully I can sort through, remember and re-attempt at posting them today. OK, let's see.......
Girls talk about everything pretty much all the time, but guys have got to be one of the most talked about of all, and maybe shoes. But mostly guys. Even though I'm single and love it, I end up in the never ending guy talk constantly. Last night I was thinking about some of the expectations and opinions on guys and dating that I've heard. I've heard girls say that every guy is into drinking and partying and such, so that was all that was expected from them and was accepted. I've seen girls who stay with guys who practically walk all over them or neglect but are afraid they won't find anyone else, so they stay with them. Then I think about those guys, and we all know a few of those guys. They cheat, manipulate, and are some how with the few girls who are as close to saints as you can get.
As I see all this messed up 'love' around the people I've known I just wonder 'why?' Why are so many girls, and guys, in bad relationships when they deserve much better? I understand loving some one, but not really wanting to be trampled on. Even if I do love and care about some one who doesn't treat me right I generally avoid any situation with them that would make that easier for them to hurt me. Maybe I'm a bit crazy though as it seems to be the thing to do, I'm the single one so what do I know? Anyway....
So I was thinking about how people could be so unfair to those who love them so much. And I thought last night, about how so many people can't see how precious and unique they are, how much they need to be truly loved. Then I thought about my God. I realise that so many times, I'm just like the guys who break my friends hearts. I'm the one who tells him he is everything to me and can't even remember to acknowledge him in my life ten minutes later. Then I think about how I view my friends, how I know how unique and fun and bright each one is, how through God I have and am learning how precious each one is through him. Then I think about how much more God must see me that way. Then I think about things a different way again and I'm like that loser boyfriend I've met too many times, and I can't keep my heart focused on him, I'm distracted and chasing after other people or things before him. I think about how much it hurts my friends and me to see someone lie to you and turn their back on you, and I think about how many times I've done that to my Savior.
Then an old truth that I've know for a long time suddenly becomes so much more personal and real to me than ever before. God is worth my attention, he's worth pressing in a bit more to hear his words, holding on for a while 'till he's ready to speak. He is worth waiting for, he's worth living and dying for. He is more than worthy of having all of me. And I don't really know why (except that his love is crazy out of this world for me) that he would give his perfect, only Son for me to be washed clean of all I've done and will do wrong. But I know that through grace God can see me as his child and I can know his love. Without him I know that I'm totally lost and worthy of nothing, and still so many times I stumble away from him, but I'm so thankful for his love that gives me purpose and life.
This Valentine's Day please remember how unworthy we were,and often still are, but that the grace that we've been given has made us precious in his sight. Let's remember how worthy of attention God is, how worthy of praise he is, how worthy of devotion he is. And let's strive to live in a way that shows him that we love and know him to be more than worthy of what we can only give through what we were first given.
Girls talk about everything pretty much all the time, but guys have got to be one of the most talked about of all, and maybe shoes. But mostly guys. Even though I'm single and love it, I end up in the never ending guy talk constantly. Last night I was thinking about some of the expectations and opinions on guys and dating that I've heard. I've heard girls say that every guy is into drinking and partying and such, so that was all that was expected from them and was accepted. I've seen girls who stay with guys who practically walk all over them or neglect but are afraid they won't find anyone else, so they stay with them. Then I think about those guys, and we all know a few of those guys. They cheat, manipulate, and are some how with the few girls who are as close to saints as you can get.
As I see all this messed up 'love' around the people I've known I just wonder 'why?' Why are so many girls, and guys, in bad relationships when they deserve much better? I understand loving some one, but not really wanting to be trampled on. Even if I do love and care about some one who doesn't treat me right I generally avoid any situation with them that would make that easier for them to hurt me. Maybe I'm a bit crazy though as it seems to be the thing to do, I'm the single one so what do I know? Anyway....
So I was thinking about how people could be so unfair to those who love them so much. And I thought last night, about how so many people can't see how precious and unique they are, how much they need to be truly loved. Then I thought about my God. I realise that so many times, I'm just like the guys who break my friends hearts. I'm the one who tells him he is everything to me and can't even remember to acknowledge him in my life ten minutes later. Then I think about how I view my friends, how I know how unique and fun and bright each one is, how through God I have and am learning how precious each one is through him. Then I think about how much more God must see me that way. Then I think about things a different way again and I'm like that loser boyfriend I've met too many times, and I can't keep my heart focused on him, I'm distracted and chasing after other people or things before him. I think about how much it hurts my friends and me to see someone lie to you and turn their back on you, and I think about how many times I've done that to my Savior.
Then an old truth that I've know for a long time suddenly becomes so much more personal and real to me than ever before. God is worth my attention, he's worth pressing in a bit more to hear his words, holding on for a while 'till he's ready to speak. He is worth waiting for, he's worth living and dying for. He is more than worthy of having all of me. And I don't really know why (except that his love is crazy out of this world for me) that he would give his perfect, only Son for me to be washed clean of all I've done and will do wrong. But I know that through grace God can see me as his child and I can know his love. Without him I know that I'm totally lost and worthy of nothing, and still so many times I stumble away from him, but I'm so thankful for his love that gives me purpose and life.
This Valentine's Day please remember how unworthy we were,and often still are, but that the grace that we've been given has made us precious in his sight. Let's remember how worthy of attention God is, how worthy of praise he is, how worthy of devotion he is. And let's strive to live in a way that shows him that we love and know him to be more than worthy of what we can only give through what we were first given.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Solution
It is not too far a cry, Too much to try and help the least of these. Politics will not decide if we should rise and be your hands and feet. Hey now, fill our hearts with Your compassion. Hey now, as we hold to our confession.....God be the solution.
From 'Solution' by Hillsong United*
I was listening to 'Solution' on my way home from church this evening, and as music (particularly from some one like Hillsong) always really sets my mind to running with the lyrics and such, I'm sharing my thoughts that the above lines set my heart on.
I've been thinking about our economy here in the States, and I guess really world wide things aren't looking to great. These are hard times on everyone really, especially the Least. For too many people, even the Christians who are called to be the hands and feet of Christ, sponsorships and charity is just a nice thing to do with left over cash. But the Least are not just some minority off to the side, only to be acknowledged and loved in our spare time and fortune. In the book of Mathew, Christ says he is among the Least and that to serve them, is to serve him.
God never asked us to give out of convenience, out of comfort, out of left overs. In fact he wants all of us, he said we ought to lay down our lives for others. He didn't say to love when there is no economic down turn, when politicians allow it. He never said it would be easy, that there would be no trials. But, he did say that he has over come this world (our trials,) that he would never leave nor forsake us, and that we ought to follow the example of love and sacrifice already set by Christ. Why do we fear to give, to reach out? Our God has everything at his feet and in his hands, there is nothing he could ask us to give that he hasn't provided to be given in the first place. We are not alone or without no matter how shaky our world seems. No matter who you are or what your circumstance is, when we accept the love and grace of Christ as our Savior and Lord, we are called to be like him. We can all do something, we are all created for purpose and Love. We are meant to be his hands and feet in all times of our lives.
As the song says, "God be the solution." We are not the answer, only God in his love and grace can heal and restore. But we can't forget that no matter the circumstance we have his love and perfect strength in us through salvation, and we are to be his hands and feet to the Least.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Hebrews 12:12-13
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4
*Solution is on my playlist at the bottom of this blog if you want to hear it. It's pretty much one of the greatest songs EVER!
From 'Solution' by Hillsong United*
I was listening to 'Solution' on my way home from church this evening, and as music (particularly from some one like Hillsong) always really sets my mind to running with the lyrics and such, I'm sharing my thoughts that the above lines set my heart on.
I've been thinking about our economy here in the States, and I guess really world wide things aren't looking to great. These are hard times on everyone really, especially the Least. For too many people, even the Christians who are called to be the hands and feet of Christ, sponsorships and charity is just a nice thing to do with left over cash. But the Least are not just some minority off to the side, only to be acknowledged and loved in our spare time and fortune. In the book of Mathew, Christ says he is among the Least and that to serve them, is to serve him.
God never asked us to give out of convenience, out of comfort, out of left overs. In fact he wants all of us, he said we ought to lay down our lives for others. He didn't say to love when there is no economic down turn, when politicians allow it. He never said it would be easy, that there would be no trials. But, he did say that he has over come this world (our trials,) that he would never leave nor forsake us, and that we ought to follow the example of love and sacrifice already set by Christ. Why do we fear to give, to reach out? Our God has everything at his feet and in his hands, there is nothing he could ask us to give that he hasn't provided to be given in the first place. We are not alone or without no matter how shaky our world seems. No matter who you are or what your circumstance is, when we accept the love and grace of Christ as our Savior and Lord, we are called to be like him. We can all do something, we are all created for purpose and Love. We are meant to be his hands and feet in all times of our lives.
As the song says, "God be the solution." We are not the answer, only God in his love and grace can heal and restore. But we can't forget that no matter the circumstance we have his love and perfect strength in us through salvation, and we are to be his hands and feet to the Least.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Hebrews 12:12-13
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4
*Solution is on my playlist at the bottom of this blog if you want to hear it. It's pretty much one of the greatest songs EVER!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
My 'self' in a Fight
I talked to a friend (ahem, meaning Julee Hartmeyer! you should check out her blog 'Defending the Fatherless' cause it's basically GREAT) recently about going to do volunteer/mission work for the summer this year. I told her about my struggle with where I was supposed to be, and then I said one of those things that even though it's good, it sets a standard and you can't forget it. I said "I'd rather be wrestling and struggling through to find where God is leading than to not be doing anything," or something like that. Anyway, now as I'm struggling to focus my heart and thoughts on God's, those words are ringing in my mind, "I'd rather be wrestling with this" and I know I've got to stay in this battle against my own flesh that would have me living only for it's gratification.
I want to know God's heart, not just the appearance and emotions of knowing. I'd rather come to Christ knowing that the cross is the only thing that can rip this pride from me, and knowing it's going to be a painful, tough fight to wrestle that mindset away than to stumble on with all my self and pride between me and him. I want to die daily to this flesh, because one day this flesh and it's world will die, and I don't want to let this life that is so short cause my soul to miss what I was meant for. So that's what I'm going through, and in the grace and love of my Savior I will make it through. And it's only through him, who else could? I know I can't and never will be able to on my own.
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love towards me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. Psalm 86:11-13
Not that I have already obtained all of this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:12
I want to know God's heart, not just the appearance and emotions of knowing. I'd rather come to Christ knowing that the cross is the only thing that can rip this pride from me, and knowing it's going to be a painful, tough fight to wrestle that mindset away than to stumble on with all my self and pride between me and him. I want to die daily to this flesh, because one day this flesh and it's world will die, and I don't want to let this life that is so short cause my soul to miss what I was meant for. So that's what I'm going through, and in the grace and love of my Savior I will make it through. And it's only through him, who else could? I know I can't and never will be able to on my own.
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love towards me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. Psalm 86:11-13
Not that I have already obtained all of this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:12
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Abandonment and Hope
I was talking to my mom earlier today, about a very dear and frequently talked about topic with us. Orphans. And it's set my mind thinking about them and I can't stop now, as usual. So tonight I'm writing about my thoughts after our little conversation about orphans who are abandoned.
Orphans hold such a special place in my heart, a place that is constantly being broken but by God's grace always filled with his love. Earlier I was thinking about kids who wait for parents who never return. I can't imagine the pain of knowing that you've been left but still wishing to hope that they could return someday. When I ponder these situations and the stories I've heard of abandonment and the children I've met who were left, it's so easy to get discouraged. It's easy to hear a statistic like '143 million orphaned children in the world today' and simply feel like there's nothing good enough to be done. But it's then that I'm reminded that though this is an incredible, tragic number of orphans, they are each people. They are not just a number in a survey, this fact represents beautiful little souls and each have names, personalities and interests and a need to be loved . I'm also reminded that no matter who may ever leave anyone, we can all have a Father who said he would never leave nor forsake us, and that his Spirit is here to comfort and guide us. I remember that the Savior who gave his very own life, who was perfect and blameless yet took on every sin I would ever make before I'd even breathed his name, he has gone to prepare a perfect, loving, and truly forever home for me. And it's in this that I find hope, knowing that I am loved by this awesome God, and that these kids are loved by him.
I am so small in the picture of what I could do in this world for orphans, but his love is mighty in my heart and soul. He said he would never leave nor forsake us, and he said we are to share the love he's given us. That love is something we know because Christ laid down his life for us and now we are to do the same, put our comfort and preferences aside and wrap our arms and hearts around those he has created to know his love. When I think of the heart breaking and embarrassing number of orphans that we have simply neglected in a world where we are meant to be the image and body of Christ, it's easy to feel so many things. And it's good to feel those emotions, we should be upset and should cry out to our Father for mercy and for justice in this tragedy. But let's not ever let the heart ache that surely comes in opening our eyes to the orphaned shut off our hearts, let's open them all the more for God's love and grace to fill so that when we are broken, what they truly need will pour out.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:23-24
Orphans hold such a special place in my heart, a place that is constantly being broken but by God's grace always filled with his love. Earlier I was thinking about kids who wait for parents who never return. I can't imagine the pain of knowing that you've been left but still wishing to hope that they could return someday. When I ponder these situations and the stories I've heard of abandonment and the children I've met who were left, it's so easy to get discouraged. It's easy to hear a statistic like '143 million orphaned children in the world today' and simply feel like there's nothing good enough to be done. But it's then that I'm reminded that though this is an incredible, tragic number of orphans, they are each people. They are not just a number in a survey, this fact represents beautiful little souls and each have names, personalities and interests and a need to be loved . I'm also reminded that no matter who may ever leave anyone, we can all have a Father who said he would never leave nor forsake us, and that his Spirit is here to comfort and guide us. I remember that the Savior who gave his very own life, who was perfect and blameless yet took on every sin I would ever make before I'd even breathed his name, he has gone to prepare a perfect, loving, and truly forever home for me. And it's in this that I find hope, knowing that I am loved by this awesome God, and that these kids are loved by him.
I am so small in the picture of what I could do in this world for orphans, but his love is mighty in my heart and soul. He said he would never leave nor forsake us, and he said we are to share the love he's given us. That love is something we know because Christ laid down his life for us and now we are to do the same, put our comfort and preferences aside and wrap our arms and hearts around those he has created to know his love. When I think of the heart breaking and embarrassing number of orphans that we have simply neglected in a world where we are meant to be the image and body of Christ, it's easy to feel so many things. And it's good to feel those emotions, we should be upset and should cry out to our Father for mercy and for justice in this tragedy. But let's not ever let the heart ache that surely comes in opening our eyes to the orphaned shut off our hearts, let's open them all the more for God's love and grace to fill so that when we are broken, what they truly need will pour out.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:23-24
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Love part 2
This is what’s on my heart and burning up in my soul. The need I’ve seen all around this world, weather in person or on TV or through others stories and memories. The more I seek Christ, the more I’m meeting the least. And it’s in the obvious places that I’d been calloused to and then the more shocking places that are right in front of me that I‘m seeing need. There is need all around us, people in desperate poverty of all different kinds. As I see the church today honestly over flowing here in America with all kinds of wealth, I’m more and more frustrated by the growing amount of need, and also fearful for us that have much, because if we go on like this we’ll be the ones in poverty of some kind.
Is it wrong that we have food in our pantry and plenty of clothes in the closet and a car in the garage? NO. That's a question with an obvious answer, a question I think we ask to further avoid the reality we are afraid to see. The wrong is not in having things, having our needs met and being blessed with more than that. The wrong is in our ignorance of others needs, in our going about our gluttonous lives while people starve simply for lack of food or clean water. The wrong is in our pride and constant craving for more; more money for ourselves, more time to ourselves, more luxury and convenience. The wrong is in our ability and desire to remain comfortably in the selfish states of living that I've just listed.
Who do we think we are? To let people thirst to death simply because it's a few hours flight away and not on our door step. To let souls starve in the excuse that an organization might keep part of the measly few dollars we toss their way on a guilt trip. To pass by and avoid the beggar, drunk, or lost in the excuse that they and their circumstances are hopeless, that they’ve had their chances. People are dying or falling closer to death every day, they are not just statistics or pictures on our plasma TV screens, they are living, breathing, created souls. Souls created and loved and meant for lives of purpose by the same God who made you and I.
Where do we get this mentality that our faith is simply about us and what we get out of it? It’s that mentality that is spiritual suicide. When we turn away from the least and needy, we turn away from Christ. When we begin to shun or refuse those in need and hold back the love of God that we've been given, we are doing those same things to Jesus.
Love, I say this often now and am beginning to hear it often from some others too, but it still isn’t said enough. Actually, it isn’t lived enough. Love, love, love. Love of God to us, love to our God, and love to others. LOVE. We need to give and reflect the love of God just as we need to receive it, because it’s not something to be contained, it’s something to be continually shared and given. We should not wait any longer, it's not about convenience or comfort, Love is what we're created for.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18
Is it wrong that we have food in our pantry and plenty of clothes in the closet and a car in the garage? NO. That's a question with an obvious answer, a question I think we ask to further avoid the reality we are afraid to see. The wrong is not in having things, having our needs met and being blessed with more than that. The wrong is in our ignorance of others needs, in our going about our gluttonous lives while people starve simply for lack of food or clean water. The wrong is in our pride and constant craving for more; more money for ourselves, more time to ourselves, more luxury and convenience. The wrong is in our ability and desire to remain comfortably in the selfish states of living that I've just listed.
Who do we think we are? To let people thirst to death simply because it's a few hours flight away and not on our door step. To let souls starve in the excuse that an organization might keep part of the measly few dollars we toss their way on a guilt trip. To pass by and avoid the beggar, drunk, or lost in the excuse that they and their circumstances are hopeless, that they’ve had their chances. People are dying or falling closer to death every day, they are not just statistics or pictures on our plasma TV screens, they are living, breathing, created souls. Souls created and loved and meant for lives of purpose by the same God who made you and I.
Where do we get this mentality that our faith is simply about us and what we get out of it? It’s that mentality that is spiritual suicide. When we turn away from the least and needy, we turn away from Christ. When we begin to shun or refuse those in need and hold back the love of God that we've been given, we are doing those same things to Jesus.
Love, I say this often now and am beginning to hear it often from some others too, but it still isn’t said enough. Actually, it isn’t lived enough. Love, love, love. Love of God to us, love to our God, and love to others. LOVE. We need to give and reflect the love of God just as we need to receive it, because it’s not something to be contained, it’s something to be continually shared and given. We should not wait any longer, it's not about convenience or comfort, Love is what we're created for.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Love
Funny how I could go so far in my life as a 'Christian' but still lack the very foundation of my faith, love. It wasn't 'till the past few years that I really began to grasp love. God's love for me, loving him and also loving others as he does. Each of us have a longing in our soul for something more than what we are born into, and it's love. And when a person wakes up to that realisation of what it's missing, they chase it and find it whatever the cost. So that's what I want to write about tonight.
People weren't created merely to exist, and those who are Christians aren't saved by Christ just to hold their little salvation ticket in their pocket 'till the end of time. So why does our world look more and more like that's what it's all about? When I step back and look at life, and wonder over 'why' and the purpose of it, it doesn't take long to realise that without love it's all worthless. But in a world where people say 'love' more in reference to a cute hand bag or feeling a bit of lust, where charismatic words to love others are often followed by little reaction to thoughts and tears of compassion, how do we know what love even is? Is it something you fall into, or something that you chose to consume every bit of who you are? Is it real for the length of an emotional moment, or is it something that never ends, that toughs it out through every tear, smile, fight, and fear? Could it be that love is more than we've estimated, that we've watered it down to definitions and emotions so we can be more comfortable with it, to where we can understand and calculate it, to the point where it's simply human in our minds?
I believe it's something greater than what the human mind can even comprehend, but the longing of each soul that can never be fulfilled by anything else. I believe love is the only thing that holds the fighting and distanced family together, I believe love is the only thing that overcomes addictions, I believe love is the only way to end poverty, I believe love is the only thing that takes broken, wandering hearts and shows them purpose and truth in this often dark world. But how do we get that? This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.... This is love:not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 3:16a, 4:10
How do we love when it's been a mere word and feeling to us our whole lives?
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18
Love is more than a word, it's more than a feeling, it's more than something that just happens or that you fall into for a while, it is the only thing that can pull our world out of it's self destroying cycle. Love, let's invite it into the deepest places of our hearts and souls, let us take what we've been given and run to the farthest corners of this world, to the beggar down the street and the widow next door. We are here for so much more than just this life. Love, it's what we are created for.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16
People weren't created merely to exist, and those who are Christians aren't saved by Christ just to hold their little salvation ticket in their pocket 'till the end of time. So why does our world look more and more like that's what it's all about? When I step back and look at life, and wonder over 'why' and the purpose of it, it doesn't take long to realise that without love it's all worthless. But in a world where people say 'love' more in reference to a cute hand bag or feeling a bit of lust, where charismatic words to love others are often followed by little reaction to thoughts and tears of compassion, how do we know what love even is? Is it something you fall into, or something that you chose to consume every bit of who you are? Is it real for the length of an emotional moment, or is it something that never ends, that toughs it out through every tear, smile, fight, and fear? Could it be that love is more than we've estimated, that we've watered it down to definitions and emotions so we can be more comfortable with it, to where we can understand and calculate it, to the point where it's simply human in our minds?
I believe it's something greater than what the human mind can even comprehend, but the longing of each soul that can never be fulfilled by anything else. I believe love is the only thing that holds the fighting and distanced family together, I believe love is the only thing that overcomes addictions, I believe love is the only way to end poverty, I believe love is the only thing that takes broken, wandering hearts and shows them purpose and truth in this often dark world. But how do we get that? This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.... This is love:not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 3:16a, 4:10
How do we love when it's been a mere word and feeling to us our whole lives?
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18
Love is more than a word, it's more than a feeling, it's more than something that just happens or that you fall into for a while, it is the only thing that can pull our world out of it's self destroying cycle. Love, let's invite it into the deepest places of our hearts and souls, let us take what we've been given and run to the farthest corners of this world, to the beggar down the street and the widow next door. We are here for so much more than just this life. Love, it's what we are created for.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16
Monday, January 5, 2009
Waking Up in a New Year
We go through phases and that's good, different phases, trials and challenges help us grow as long as we're going through them and not getting stuck or too comfortable in them. But I've gotta say that there are some phases I dearly hate going through. Like the ones where emotion runs dry, energy is just a memory and spiritually you have to fight laziness like crazy when you're so subconscious you barely realise it. Yes, that's obviously a phase I just went through again. I was so tired of trying to press after God and feeling nothing in return, when all the while I knew it wasn't about what I was feeling but wanting that emotional hype anyway. In all honesty I was getting very lazy, slipping on time in the Bible and prayer, letting my mind wander aimlessly over every shallow and worthless thing it could find. It's in these phases where I really learn if, or how much, I truly want more of God. The hard part is realising how easy it is to let other things get between me and him so quickly, keeping up perseverance and a desire for more of his heart is something I often fail in if the timing and 'mood' isn't just right. It's like I expect there to be that perfect soft lighting and powerful worship music and scripture glowing on the pages, then I'm great and I can do it. But if he doesn't have everything set in my life just perfectly then I'm out, I can't even follow him for a day.
Then after a bit it hits me, 'I'm really messing this up, what am I doing here?' I know I say this so much lately, but life is just a breath and we need to really live it. So I began to just lay it out there with God, 'I don't feel you here right now, I don't really have the physical energy right now but I still know I need you so much and I want you. I want closer to your heart.' God is faithful to our prayers! He answers us when we cry to him.
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14
This verse just really got to me last night, if I love, rely and acknowledge him, God's going to be there for me. It isn't always how or when I expect, but he is faithfully there to rescue me from those spiritual deserts, to lift me up and give me yet another reason to rejoice in him. I just woke up in a new year with a reawakening to pursue my Lord's heart and desires for this world and I couldn't be more excited about it! Always persevere and chase his heart.
Then after a bit it hits me, 'I'm really messing this up, what am I doing here?' I know I say this so much lately, but life is just a breath and we need to really live it. So I began to just lay it out there with God, 'I don't feel you here right now, I don't really have the physical energy right now but I still know I need you so much and I want you. I want closer to your heart.' God is faithful to our prayers! He answers us when we cry to him.
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14
This verse just really got to me last night, if I love, rely and acknowledge him, God's going to be there for me. It isn't always how or when I expect, but he is faithfully there to rescue me from those spiritual deserts, to lift me up and give me yet another reason to rejoice in him. I just woke up in a new year with a reawakening to pursue my Lord's heart and desires for this world and I couldn't be more excited about it! Always persevere and chase his heart.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
My 'Wonderful' New Year's Eve
Ahh New Year's Eve, hanging out with life long friends, all reminiscing over the past year and all we've made it through. Laughing, talking, having a great time, eating together. At least that's what I'd had in mind when several of us from our churches youth group all went to my youth leaders house last night. It didn't turn out quite how I'd imagined. Our youth leader ended up sending us on a 'scavenger hunt' where I ended up running through peoples yards trying to pet a goat, I had to ride a toddler jeep around a house twice and saw a man digging through the trash to find us a cup of dryer lint. But the best part of the night was definitely my friends little dog throwing up all over me in the car, yeah, what a way to start out the New Year! It was girls vs. guys and we ended up losing the stupid competition too. Then add being single into the mix of being with a bunch of fighting teen couples, oh the joy. Anyway, it wasn't the greatest New Years I've had but I'm really excited about 2009! 2008 brought a lot of changes and challenges my way and I'm hoping there's even more this year, I can't wait to see what God has for us in this new year.
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