On being an older sibling

I've been writing tonight about confrontation on my other blog, http://tobearlovesheart.blogspot.com . So there's that! If you read it, grab some popcorn or coffee or something first, it's a bit lengthy. (makes sheepish face here)

I'm really tired but have had a pretty good day, it's been super crazy as my older brother has come in for the night and there's been plenty of madness and I'll be honest, for a while tonight I was feeling a bit like 'I'm gonna go crazy if I don't have some privacy and silence for a minute.' But all is well, very well. My family is very crazy and the little ones seem to be every where you'd prefer them not to be at once sometimes but it's awesome to be surrounded by all the liveliness. I'm just quite the introvert most of the time on my own but thank God they don't allow for too much of that! I know we took them out of poverty through adoption but the ways they've changed just me alone has been truly amazing. Being a big sister has been good and challenging for me, even though it's madness here I love it and who loving them is making me to be. Their little lives are basically just waking up to this constant reminder every day that God is who he said he is, that he heals and restores, he lifts the needy from the ash heap, he sets the lonely in families.

I was just thinking I wonder what I used to do all the time before the kids came, then I remember a lot of days sitting on my bed blankly turning through magazines or staring into a TV for forever, playing my guitar with no one but me hearing or moving to the sounds. Now I have these little people who want to run in and rip the book from my hands and have me check out the groovy new face they learned to make, or who ask a million questions about the movie on, or who come in and start a dance party in my room when they hear the guitar being strummed. It's frustrating sometimes, especially when I'm at such a hectic and unsure place in my life to have them running about. But the bit of love I'm able to give them reminds me how much greater the Father's love for us, the way we adopted them reminds me how God adopted me and how insanely they fit into our family just right reminds me of my place in my Father's eyes. In the extra chaos they create they also create a reminder that this life is not just about me and that God is holding every bit of this in His loving arms.

Dallas Weekend and I am in LOVE!!!

First of all, to Dallas! I love love love Texas and truly mean that in the deepest sense of the word love. I really think my parents messed up staying in AR, (no offense AR) Texas is where I belong. I'm so totally in love with it! The only way my visit could have been better is if it were (1) permanent, and (2) Houston. But as long as it's Texas for even just a glimpse and moment, I can bear this state I live in for a bit more. Maybe. But I truly truly can't wait for the day i either go off to college in Texas or graduate from a college then move to Texas.

The reason I was in Texas other than that I just absolutely love it, is that there was an awesome conference there. About ten kids from my churches youth group went to an Acquire the Fire event there and i can honestly say that it was the best youth conference I've ever been too. It was so different from other events I've been too because it wasn't just mainly based on getting you hyped up on emotion, they really got in all 8,000 or so faces of ours and were so personal. Not once did it seem as if they were playing the sympathetic 'you poor misunderstood teen' game with us, but they were totally on our level and challenged us to rise up and be the young men and women of God we are called to be. God revealed so many things in my heart that I needed to let go of that I didn't realize I'd let creep back in, although I guess now it's so obvious to me. But the thing I love is that not once did I feel compelled by feelings to let go of these things or realize a conviction, it was like I had to reach down and make this choice in my soul to let go and then maybe emotions would follow. They weren't about getting a lot of expressions out of you that you didn't even know what the point of it was, they were all about getting God's prescience into our soul's. I also like that for the first time ever there was a whole session about how to stay strong and growing in my faith after the conference was done, a lot of the time it's as if you have to try to hold on to that conference you've been too for as long as you can 'till the next one comes around. This time though it was about taking what you learned and continuing to let those past things go, it was about moving forward in your faith and not clinging to a weekend experience.

The weekend was great, lives were definitely changed and thanks to the Honor Academy I now have yet another college decision to weigh! Oh the joys of planning the rest of your life (actually trying to glimpse a starting bit of God's plan) in your crazy teen years, who's idea was this? Haha, I know God is faithful and has amazing things in store for this child even if it's driving me crazy that I can't calculate it all. You know that whole "be still" and "wait upon the Lord" thing? Yeah, ha, this girlie isn't so great at that yet. But He is definitely making me work on it, funny thing is I asked for it. Well whatever, love you all.

Something New...

So for a while now I've wanted to write dedicating basically to the thoughts I have on Love and loving others. I've started a new blog to write about all of thats been burning on my heart in that way, and so this one can keep being my random day to day blog of my goofy life. To Bear Love's Heart is my new blog and it's all about pressing into the heart of God and sharing the love you can only find there with others. Check it out!