Waking Up in a New Year

We go through phases and that's good, different phases, trials and challenges help us grow as long as we're going through them and not getting stuck or too comfortable in them. But I've gotta say that there are some phases I dearly hate going through. Like the ones where emotion runs dry, energy is just a memory and spiritually you have to fight laziness like crazy when you're so subconscious you barely realise it. Yes, that's obviously a phase I just went through again. I was so tired of trying to press after God and feeling nothing in return, when all the while I knew it wasn't about what I was feeling but wanting that emotional hype anyway. In all honesty I was getting very lazy, slipping on time in the Bible and prayer, letting my mind wander aimlessly over every shallow and worthless thing it could find. It's in these phases where I really learn if, or how much, I truly want more of God. The hard part is realising how easy it is to let other things get between me and him so quickly, keeping up perseverance and a desire for more of his heart is something I often fail in if the timing and 'mood' isn't just right. It's like I expect there to be that perfect soft lighting and powerful worship music and scripture glowing on the pages, then I'm great and I can do it. But if he doesn't have everything set in my life just perfectly then I'm out, I can't even follow him for a day.
Then after a bit it hits me, 'I'm really messing this up, what am I doing here?' I know I say this so much lately, but life is just a breath and we need to really live it. So I began to just lay it out there with God, 'I don't feel you here right now, I don't really have the physical energy right now but I still know I need you so much and I want you. I want closer to your heart.' God is faithful to our prayers! He answers us when we cry to him.
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14
This verse just really got to me last night, if I love, rely and acknowledge him, God's going to be there for me. It isn't always how or when I expect, but he is faithfully there to rescue me from those spiritual deserts, to lift me up and give me yet another reason to rejoice in him. I just woke up in a new year with a reawakening to pursue my Lord's heart and desires for this world and I couldn't be more excited about it! Always persevere and chase his heart.