Me, Myself, and...wait, what? Tripped again.

So I sat down at my computer a few moments ago, fully prepared and in the process of having a pity party for myself and eating lots of chocolate ice cream and watching an old Audrey Hepburn movie. I went to the YouTube channel of one of my favorite bands, wanting to be entertained and have things my way for a bit. See lately I've been slipping back into this rut, especially at night, where I hold grudges and get sad and stressed and think 'oh, poor me, someone hurt my feelings, they're so stupid, why are they so stupid? people expect things of me, if I want to go to college I have to work for it, I have to try in school and learn how to balance my time and priorities, blah blah blah.' The video I selected was of the band in Brazil, great right? I was thinking a tropical setting, lots of fun culture......no. Instead I saw the reality of what is daily life for so much of the world, I saw poverty, orphaned children, the things you don't want to see in the middle of a party all about yourself. Within the first few moments of seeing these images on my computer screen I was instantly taken back to China. I remember seeing blind orphans run about with joy and faith, singing worship songs, a little orphan girl giving me the gift she received just moments before in a party, little children who have received so little love, yet know how to give so well. Instantly I realize, this is not about me, self needs to go. It's not about how I feel all the time, too much I've let my emotions (or more often my lack of) guide my faith, and that is a very dangerous way to walk in your faith. I've come to realize that my faith should guide my emotions, and it should be a selfless faith. I am here to receive the love of Christ and reflect and show that to the world. It's not about me, who hurt my precious little feelings or made me mad or disappointed, it's about faith in God, hope in His plans, and the greatest of all, it's about love.